It’s been over five years from my divorce and I’m still feeling the pain. Now, remarried, moving on with my life, trying to piece together where I went wrong in my past and how to understand the madness. Its January 24, 2009 the day after my drive back from my home town - Cleveland, Ohio. I had to appear in court concerning my x-wife who, a long time ago, broke the law “sending our children to school system outside her own school zone“, which I never agree with but when my children called crying, saying their mother may go to jail - as a parent, you want to do anything to help, that is, until you find out the true character your involved with, then it becomes one of the longest nightmare a person can have. First of all - she is a wonderful mother to my children, she not a monster but not a saint either. Anyway, the drive back home gave me time to think like I always do when I‘m driving. Looking over my past, the pain and disappointments I’ve had along the way and how I was going to let it all go so I decided to write about it to finally letting it go. My “pride & Joy, John & Erica”, my children don’t call me anymore because they don’t want to hear their mother argue at them, and I stop counting how many times she’s taken their cellophanes away because I had their numbers. It has been a painful ordeal and driving out of Ohio without seeing them was just as painful. I can only hope one day, I will be able to talk to them and get to know them again as my pride and joy. With everything that has happen in the past, I can’t help but think; did I really know who I married? Or was this something I had to go through to learn who I was as a person in my lowest of times. For years I thought I was not a good person and this was why I had such bad luck but as time went on, others who know me, told me - that was crazy and I was a very giving and loving person, I just made bad decisions when it came to people close to me, sometimes. So here I am rethinking my past, my future and what I want to do, driving in the opposite direction of my heart, my pride and Joy.
A car passes me on the highway with children inside, the mothers playing with a baby in the back seat, the Dad driving with his little girl right beside him - the little girl looks over in my direction, I don’t want her to see the pain in my face so I turn away, wondering, dose he know who he married should things take a turn for the worst, most likely, he knows her as his best friend and soul mate because not everyone makes mistakes like the one I did. As a man wanting to get married to the lady of his life, most of the time we don’t think to deep into the future or look at the inner person we’re involved with, we fall down on one knee and jump, without thinking how it’s going to hurt - this was me over twenty years ago. But the lesson learned helped me because know I have a loving and giving lady on my side, she is my rock of understanding and compassion, she is very supportive when it comes to her children’s and their Dad being part of their lives. The more I think about her, the shorter the road home becomes and the happier I become inside. Do I know who I married, “YES - with out any doubts”, we talk about anything and everything, and when I’m wrong about something, she’s not going to hold her tongue - “Baby, you need to rethink your decision, love you but your wrong”. I can only whish every man meet a lady like her and maybe, just maybe, life could be a little simpler for good Dads out there apart from their children.
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